Turn My Sorrow Into Treasure Gold
by toxicgurl169
Summary: A confrontation between Jesse and Rachel after the New York Nationals.
1. Chapter 1

**Title**: Turn My Sorrow into Treasure Gold

**Author:** Ashley

**Disclaimer:** Glee…I wish I owned the characters but I don't sadly

**Rating:** M

**Summary:** A confrontation between Jesse/Rachel after the New York Nationals.

**Timeline: **Post-Nationals

* * *

><p>Turn My Sorrow into Treasure Gold<p>

Rachel Berry sighed deeply as she walked down the empty halls of McKinley High, colors of green and red surrounding her like a colorful breeze, her body still humming from all the excitement that Nationals had brought to her and her fellow Glee club members.

Nationals, although not placing in the top ten, brought her and Finn finally together. Ever since he had broken up with her, admittedly by her own selfish hand, she felt like a piece of her had been dying inside, seeing him with Quinn and knowing that she screwed up so royally that she was convinced she would never be in his arms again and know what it feels like to be loved.

Luckily, Finn had forgiven her for the heartbreak that girls like her held for the rest of their lives, and for that, she was grateful.

Arriving at her destination, Rachel, with her hands wringed together in front of her, took a moment to let her eyes sweep over the choir room, her deep brown chocolate orbs gazing upon the empty seats that held the hopes and dreams of her fellow Glee members. This room, although cement and tiles to any normal non-musical person, is a room that has shielded and encompassed the thirteen students from the hypocrites and bullies that have made it their lives mission to bring her and her friends misery, using words to punish instead of celebrate who they were inside.

Glee, although having the occasional fight with her choir members, has become an escape and a salvation for her friends, herself included. They have come together as people and using their strengths and talents, made their way up the ladder and still not fully comprehending it, they had made it to Nationals, under the guidance of Mr. Schuester.

Breaking herself out of her heavy, yet somewhat pleasant thoughts, she slowly made her way to the middle seat in the front row, smiling as she crossed her legs, her plaid red and grey skirt shifting like waves as she sat down.

Rachel didn't know what possessed her to come here long after school had let out, but as everyone went out to Breadsticks, courtesy of Mr. Schue, and celebrated their twelfth place win, Rachel felt as if she wanted time to herself and reflect back on Nationals. Although it did not bring her victory as she dreamt of it bringing, it had brought her a victory in another way.

Closing her eyes, she let the silence engulf her, the memories of Nationals and the feeling of being on stage washing over her. It was the most exhilarating feeling that she has ever felt, being on the New York stage, breathing in the energy from the audience, truly feeling that she was _home._

Just as her imagination started to really overtake her, a noise by the door startled her, her eyes flying open at the sound.

Her body stiffened, her breathing becoming labored as she met the gaze of ocean blue orbs. Judging by his stance, his eyes opened wide and his lips slightly parted in surprise, he was just as shocked to see her as she was of him.

She quickly looked down, breaking the connection, only letting her eyes drift upwards to casually glance at him.

Finally, when at least a minute went by, she could hear his throat clear, his shock and surprise seemingly disappearing as he casually entered the room.

"What are you doing here, Rachel? I would have thought you would have gone out with the rest of the choir to celebrate your twelfth place _loss_." His voice sounded light, enough where he could be asking about the weather; however, she could hear the slight bitterness that could easily have been missed by a person who didn't know him as well as her. His body was stiff and no matter how much Jesse may think of himself as a great actor, she knew him better than that, even if he didn't like to admit it.

Swallowing hard, she took a deep breath, telling herself there was no need to act nervous around him, even after the way things had ended with him in, New York. "We did," She began slowly. "I did" She quickly added. "I just wanted to come back here alone, reflect on the past year, where I've been, what I've accomplished…" she trailed off, watching Jesse's body language turn into indifference.

"What you've accomplished? He laughed softly. "Rachel, I would hardly call not even placing at Nationals an accomplishment. You, as well as Finn were ill prepared and foolish to kiss on stage, and any accomplishment you could have had was thrown off the Broadway stage when you decided to kiss that big oaf in the first place."

Her fingers curled subconsciously into her palm, little crescent marks being formed as she watched him walk towards the grand piano and grab an empty brown box, placing objects and books inside that she recognized as his personal belongings.

"I don't expect you to understand the love that Finn and I share, and I will not sit here and let you speak like that of Finn and least of all me. You have no right, Jesse St. James."

"Ah, I love it when you use my full name when upset. You're cheeks turns this delicious pink that has always driven me crazy." He teased, pausing his movements to stare at her, his voice breathy and husky as he smirked.

Rachel gasped as she shifted in her seat, appalled at her assessment of a rather crude comment considering her relationship status. "Jesse, please refrain from making statements like that towards me. I am not a free woman and making those comments are inappropriate."

"Oh, I am well aware of your relationship status." He agreed quickly as he allowed his weight to lean against the piano, his arms crossed in front of him as he faced her. "Everyone in the audience at Nationals knows the status of your relationship and it cost you any placing that you would have had."

"Finn and I kissing did not lose us Nationals." She stated firmly, her jaw clenching at the insinuation that her feelings for Finn had clouded her judgment long enough to lose her and her teammates the first place win.

"You're right. That alone did not cost you Nationals. You were also ill prepared and did not take any of my advice as Teaching Assistant seriously, advice that I know for a fact would have least placed you." He paused, watching as Rachel's eyes shifted, her plump bottom lip slightly being pulled in between her teeth. "If you didn't notice, Vocal Adrenaline placed in second, with the loss of me as their leader it was to be expected, and it was foolish not listening to me in the first place when clearly I knew what I was talking about, seeing as I lead Vocal Adrenaline to victory four years straight.

Rachel cleared her throat. "While I have valued your opinion in the past and I do agree that your knowledge of winning is expansive, I have to say that I agree with Mr. Schuester. Your ways of winning, Jesse, singling people out, the Glee club fighting for solos, it was tearing us apart instead of bringing us closer together. Surely, you know that."

"Again," he firmly started, his jaw clenching, "Let the twelfth place loss speak for itself on who was right in this situation. Now, if you will excuse me…." He trailed off, his body turning as he grabbed the last of his belongings and began to leave.

Rachel sighed, his words bouncing around in her head as she watched him. Was he right? Did she let her emotions; her feelings for her first love cloud her judgment? Is she to blame for losing her team Nationals?

She closed her eyes, shaking her head.

No.

She will not let Jesse St. James mess with her head.

Not again.

Seeing movement out of her _peripheral_, she broke out of her heavy thoughts, confusion washing over her as she watched Jesse, a box filled with his things in his arms, move towards the exit, his eyes looking everywhere but her.

"Wait, what are you doing?"

Jesse sighed, his back to her front, a perfect angle for allowing his eyes to close briefly, cursing that she couldn't just let him go in peace. Putting on his show face, a face that was drilled into him from four grueling years of being the star of Vocal Adrenaline, he turned around slowly, his eyes meeting hers instantly, not allowing Rachel to see what effect this was having on him.

He cleared his throat, "If you must know, I'm leaving." He paused, watching Rachel's reaction as he let the words sink in. "For good this time."

Rachel's opened her mouth, her lips parting to take in breath, shock washing over her as she closed her mouth, then opened and then let it close once more. She shook her head as she spoke, "I-I don't understand." She breathed out as she stood. "What do you mean you're leaving for good?"

Jesse sighed dramatically. "Come on, Rachel, we both know you are smarter than this."

He was being a jerk.

He knew he was being a jerk, but the hurt that he was feeling, the hurt that even he didn't want to admit to himself was there and by acting nonchalant, it allowed him to become someone else, to be a person that Rachel Berry could not touch.

He watched her take a small step forward and it took everything in him not to take a step back from her, to create the space and distant that he so desperately craved.

"I still don't understand." She whispered. "I mean, Mr. Schuester hired you. You are the official TA for New Directions. Why would you take the job if you had every intention of leaving?"

"I didn't at first. However, I know where I'm not wanted. From the moment I came back, the Glee club has been less then welcoming and…"

"Wait." Rachel interrupted as she began to laugh softly, "Can you honestly blame everyone, especially on the terms that we parted on?"

"Honestly, no. I don't blame everyone. However, what I dislike is unprofessionalism. Letting personal vendettas and emotions get in the way of what I had to say, valuable advice coming from a four time National champion that is what I don't like. You ignored me. You ignored what I had to say and it just goes to show that you simply weren't ready to be a star."

Rachel scoffed bitterly. "Weren't you the one that told me that being a star was _inevitability _and now you're telling me that I won't be?"

"Don't twist my words around, Rachel." He responded, his voice hardening. "I said that you simply are not ready. Allowing your emotions to get the better of you on stage is part of the reason why you lost. You couldn't keep your personal life and your professional life separate and that is what is going to inhibit you from being the star that you are destined to be."

"My emotions," Rachel forcefully began, "Is what has separated me, as well as the Glee group from becoming, what do you and your friends call yourselves, soulless automatons? It what has separated us from you and allowed us to sing with truth and meaning and not like robots that simply sings and moves well."

"And yet, the top spot has eluded you once again."

"Well, if what you are saying is that, emotions get in the way then that just proves that you never truly cared about me in the first place. You never truly loved me." She stated as she crossed her arms in front of her. "And to think I was actually feeling bad about allowing Finn and I to express our feelings for one another before I resolved things with you."

"If you thought of me at all." Jesse countered. "I was beginning to think you had forgotten the kiss we shared not a couple of days before."

She tilted chin upward, her body language turning defensive. "Although, I must admit, that I didn't stop you when _you_ kissed me, it was a mistake. I was overly excited when I found out that I supposedly got a solo for Nationals and you took advantage of my fragile state of being alone."

He scoffed. "If that is what you tell yourself while you're with that big oaf, then so be it."

"I don't have to tell myself anything, Jesse. I know that Finn truly cares about me, I know that with him it's real and that he wouldn't, as you so nicely put it, trade love for a fourth time National Championship, unlike you who claimed to love me one minute and then smashed an egg on my head the next."

He let his head fall back as he brought his hands up to roughly rub against his face. "I am not going there with you again, I already apologized for that and for you to keep bringing this up is not fair!" he snapped, his voice rising as he looked at her once again, his stare trained on her eyes, blue on brown.

"Not fair?" She whispered her head tilting slightly to the right as disbelief laced in her voice. "Not fair?" She asked again as her voice rose. "Let me tell you what's not fair. What's not fair is that you thought you had the right to come into _my_ life and made me believe that you actually cared about me when really it was just a ploy to get me closer to a mother who didn't want me."

Jesse shook his head. "Why do you even care anymore, Rachel? If you are so happy with Finn, how is this discussion even relevant?"

"It's relevant because it happened! Because you made me believe in you, I trusted you and you betrayed me and this team!"

"Rachel…"

"You are the one that came into my life, and made me believe that you cared about me." She continued as if he never spoke. "From the moment I met you, the moment we sang together that day at the music store, I thought I had found my match. That I found someone that was finally worthy of my talent and love, and you used that to get inside my head, inside of my _heart_! You played me, right from the start and I was stupid enough to believe that you wanted to be with me without some ulterior motive. You even transferred here, working your way into Glee club, into my daily life and my daily routine and I allowed you to become a part of me, I allowed myself to fall in…."

"Fall in what, Rachel?" He whispered quietly. "Fall in love with me? Just like I fell in love with…."

"Stop it." She snapped, interrupting him, causing him to snap his mouth shut. "You don't get to say those words. While I must admit that after you returned I allowed you back into my life and allowed you to escort me to prom, it was all because I was angry and hurt knowing that the boy I love was with Quinn. However, as you know, Finn has finally come to realization that he was simply lying to himself when being with Quinn when he truly was in love with me. Finn and I are happy; Finn loves me, Jesse, no ulterior motives, no secret agenda's."

He laughed bitterly. "Then what does this say about you, Rachel? If Finn was truly the one guy you have ever loved, then what were you doing with me? I admit that at first my actions were dishonorable, but you were none the wiser. The way you acted, the relationship we had was on you, I never forced you and now you are standing here telling me that Finn is the only man that you've ever loved? Do you have any idea how that makes me feel?"

"I never-"

"I'm not finished!"

Rachel's eyes widened, her instinct to jump as his voice boomed, but she stayed strong, using her skills as a performer to keep on a straight face, masking the feelings that brewed beneath the surface.

She refused to allow him to see the effect he was having on her.

She took a moment to study him. His eyes widened, a soft, red tint, forming on his flawless skin as anger coursed through him, his hands resting on either side of his hips. Jesse had never spoken to her like this before. Yes, he has been truthful, almost to a fault, but never has he raised his voice at her before.

"You and I have always done this dance. We use big words and talk in circles, but no more. I am fucking sick of this. You may think you know everything, Rachel, but you obviously know nothing."

He paused, thinking the best way to express himself. This was Rachel after all, what better way? Taking a step closer, he played to the performer in her, singing the words they sung together not a week before.

_The scars of your love remind me of us,  
>They keep me thinking that we almost had it all<em>

Rachel paused, her eyes raising to his, not expecting Jesse, although not surprised, to break into song. She slowly shook her head at him, realizing the song and lyrics he chose to get his point across.

_The scars of your love, they leave me breathless,  
>I can't help feeling,<br>We could have had it all,  
>Rolling in the deep,<br>You had my heart inside your hand,  
><em>

_But you played it,  
>You played it,<br>You played it,  
>You played it to the beat.<em>

When he was done, they just stared at one another, not saying a word. Finally, he spoke…

"You made me believe you wanted me. You made me believe that despite what Finn felt for you, that you just wanted _me_." He paused. "Lies, that's all this relationship was. I may have lied to you about what I was doing with you, but at least my feelings were real. Everything, Rachel, despite what you think, _everything_ was _real_."

Rachel looked at him, locking her eyes with his, a connection forming that was so deep so felt like he was looking into her soul, his body so close to hers she could feel his hot breath against her cool skin.

"I love you." Jesse spoke as he turned to leave.

Rachel opened her mouth in confusion. "You mean loved me." She answered, swallowing hard.

"What?" Jesse asked as he turned to look at her, is eyebrows furrowing in confusion.

'You said you love me." She whispered. "You mean you loved me," Her voice faltered, a slight quiver forming as she whispered, "Right?"

He laughed bitterly. "Does it matter? You wouldn't believe the truth anyways. I'm Jesse St. James and I can't be trusted. Right, Rachel?"

Before she could answer, she felt herself hold her breath as he walked back towards her, his body once against so close that you couldn't put another hand between them.

Slowly releasing her breath, her eyes closed at the feeling of him bringing his right hand up, her body instinctively leaning against his warm palm as he cupped her cheek and then slowly brought his fingertips to tug her hair behind her ear, a signature move that had become only theirs.

Rachel's body quivered, her stomach flipping at the touch of his skin against hers. Licking her lips she finally opened her eyes and looked at him, his face all of the sudden sad, as if all the fight was drained out of him.

Finally, after what seemed like an eternity, he leaned in, her eyes once again closing as she felt his hot breath against her ear. He allowed his hands to encompass her waist, her body instinctively leaning against his as he sang…..

"_We could have had it all"_

With that, he took a step back, her body instantly cold from the loss of contact. Watching him grab his things, he turned and left, leaving her, once again, to the silence that for Rachel, was more deafening then comforting as she allowed her body to fall heavily upon her chair, staring blankly at where he stood, his words swirling around in her mind as she tried hard to not let the hot tears that were threatening to fall at her realization of the truth…

They could have had it _all._

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><p><strong>AUTHOR'S NOTE:<strong>

**Note 1: Hey Everyone! To my older readers, yes, you are not seeing things; I have posted a new story! It has been such a long time since I posted anything, but St. Berry has affected me so deeply that I needed to write something about them!**

**Note 2: I didn't have a beta, so please excuse any mistakes that you found. Grammar is not my strong suit.**

**Note 3: Is it just me, or am I the only who feels like the finale was inconsistent with Rachel's character. She basically tells Finn that he can never have her back and then in the finale, she completely ignores Jesse and tells Finn that she loves him. I'm baffled beyond belief and this is my therapy, lol. Hopefully they will fix this mess soon!**

**Note 4: Now, I'm debating whether to leave this story as a one-shot or have two parts. I can change the title into something more final for these two and have a bitter one-shot or I can continue with this. I'd love to make this Rated M and have heavy sexual situations and a lot more angst and whatnot, but I think I could leave it like this. It feels like a complete one-shot, but I can always make it two parts or three parts or even multi-chapter. So, if you guys like what I wrote and would like more, then let me know! I'll make my decision based on the feedback that I get =).**

**Reviews are better than Jonathan Groff serenading you buck naked ;)**


	2. Chapter 2

**Title**: Turn My Sorrow into Treasure Gold

**Author:** Ashley

**Disclaimer:** Glee…I wish I owned the characters but I don't sadly

**Rating:** M

**Summary:** A confrontation between Jesse/Rachel after the New York Nationals.

**Timeline: **Post-Nationals

* * *

><p>Chapter 2<p>

One Week.

It's been one week since winning Nationals.

It's been one week since her and Finn had professed their love to one another and had gotten back together.

And it's been one week since Jesse had confessed that he was still in love with her.

_Jesse._

Rachel didn't know why, but ever since the confrontation that they had, she has been unable to get him out of her mind. Her thoughts ran wild wondering where he was and what he was doing. She assumed he went back to Los Angeles, but to what, she didn't know. He had told her that he had been kicked of UCLA, so she wondered what he did with his time.

It was ridiculous, she knew.

She was happy. She could honestly say that. No, she didn't have a National title, but she felt like the loss that her and her friends experienced had only brought them closer together and just made them that much more determined to work harder than they ever have before, to ensure a first place win at Nationals next year.

Then there was Finn.

Finn has been truly amazing. Since getting back together, she could truthfully say that she felt a shift in him. He was more attentive with her to the point that he seemed to be taking interests in areas of her life that he didn't before. He sat with her when she watched Funny Girl, her all time favorite film, and even though he wasn't able to repeat back the lines like she could, she found that he generally enjoyed the film, and made an effort to learn about her loves and try to share the same passion that she did.

So for the life of her, she couldn't understand why she couldn't get Jesse out of her mind.

That day, after he had left, after he had sung softly those six words to her as he turned to leave, she had felt like a piece of her was walking away with him. She was dramatic. She knew that she was, but it literally felt like there was a hole in her stomach. She literally had to grab onto it as she tried desperately not to cry and allow Jesse to bring her any more anguish then he already had.

However, the truth was, she couldn't blame Jesse solely on how things ended. She was the one to ignore his texts when she went to New York. It was her who completely disregarded him when he came to see her and the Glee club perform, and it was her who said those hateful comments to him.

Did she regret what she said? No. She could honestly say she didn't. While she didn't regret them, she did regret in the manner in which she had said them.

It was true that he had broken her heart, and it was true that she was now with Finn and that she was happy. She hadn't lied. She had just finally brought to light exactly how she felt about Jesse working his way into her life, making her fall in…

She paused, catching herself. She wouldn't admit that she loved him. She couldn't. However, if she was being honest with herself, if she made herself believe that what she had with Jesse was nothing more than an afterthought, then she would be able to give herself fully to Finn without feeling as if she was betraying him, and she could fully let go and let her mind focus on moving forward with a life without Jesse St. James, a life she was destined to have.

"Have I mentioned lately how much I love you?" Finn asked suddenly as he looked down at his girlfriend, his weight stopping Rachel in the middle of the side walk as they walked hand in hand to the local Lima music store to find songs that they could use for a brand new set list for Nationals.

Finn groaned slightly when she mentioned it, informing her that Nationals wasn't for another year and they would have to get through Sectionals and Regionals again to get to there, but to that, Rachel simply stated that it was never too early to start getting ideas and to start fine tuning their performances.

Finn simply smiled at her as he gave in, letting her know that her quirks and her outlook on life was one of the things that made him love her so much. When Finn said things like that, when she saw that he was truly accepting her for who she was, it was moments like that that allowed her to feel at ease that she had made the right decision.

Rachel blushed slightly, bringing her head down as a smile spread across her face. "Not today." She whispered shyly as Finn leaned down and kissed her.

Rachel wasn't a big fan of PDA, but the things that Finn was able to make Rachel feel with just one kiss was powerful enough to make her forget where they were. As Finn pulled away, Rachel bit her lip to keep herself for giggling like a school girl. She was so happy she could hardly contain it.

Seeing the music store in sight, Finn intertwined their fingers together as they walked. He was currently going on about football next year and how they were going to crush the competition next season, so she wasn't surprised when he wasn't paying attention to the scenery around them.

And at that moment, she desperately wished she wasn't either.

Her heart stopped beating.

She was sure of it.

There, coming out of Lima's local liquor store was Jesse St. James, two large paper brown bags clasped to his chest as he held them with his arms for support. She at that moment wished she had more than Finn's hand for support as she felt her knees start to buckle. All of the sudden, she started to panic knowing what would happen if Finn saw Jesse. Even though she was with him, she knew it wouldn't stop Finn from becoming jealous even at the mere thought of Jesse still being in the same town as them.

Swallowing hard and allowing her confused thoughts be pushed aside as to why Jesse was still in Lima, and why, and how, he was able to get alcohol at the age of nineteen, she started walking faster, cutting Finn off as she quickly turned and shoved his body towards the music store.

Glancing discreetly across the street, she watched as Jesse got into his car that no kid at the age of nineteen should have, and grab one of the bags, taking a good long sip from it before closing his eyes, resting his head against the head rest behind him before starting the car and pulling out.

She released a breath she didn't know she was holding as Finn stopped her movements.

"Whoa, Rachel," he laughed. "What's the hurry? And when did you get so strong?" He asked with humor laced in his voice as he encompassed his arms around his petite girlfriend."Maybe you should try out for the football team."

"I, um…" She stammered, her brain working a mile a minute for how to answer. Taking a chance, she simply brought her arms to his chest and smiled. "I'm just anxious to get this done because the sooner we are, the sooner we can go back to my house. My dad's are out of town for a week for a medical convention, so I thought we could bring the songs we have chosen back to my place, rehearse them and then…" She shrugged as she smiled wickedly up at him, "Who knows?"

Rachel laughed watching Finn's eyes widened, a bright smile forming on his face at her implications.

She couldn't help the giggle that she has been trying to hold in as he grabbed her hand and practically lifted her off the ground as they bought raced inside.

Her thoughts of Jesse gone, but not forgotten.

* * *

><p>The next day, Rachel had made it her mission to find out exactly what was going on with Jesse.<p>

It was never her intention too. However, it appeared that her brain wouldn't shut off long enough to allow her any real sleep. All these thoughts were going on in her head.

What was Jesse still doing here?

How long was he staying here for?

Although, the biggest question and concern for her was, what was Jesse doing at a liquor store, and even worse, why did he take a drink before starting the car and heading home.

She knew Jesse.

She knew that he would never allow anything to stand in his way of getting on Broadway and becoming a big star. He would never do anything that would intentionally harm him. He was to smart and determined to allow alcohol to impair his driving.

If she had one flaw, it was that she was too curious for her own good. She was never going to be able to sleep or move on with her life until she found out what was going on with him. So, giving one of her best performances of her life, she told Finn that she was wasn't feeling well and that she was going to have to break their date for that night. That being a girl, there are certain times of the month that she needed to deal with privately, times of the month that, by being a boy, he wouldn't understand.

She gave herself a gold star when Finn gave little fight after that.

She felt bad about lying to Finn, lying to her _boyfriend_, but she felt like even though things were resolved with Jesse, at least, as resolved as they were going to be, she needed to find out what was happening with him in order to move on. And to be honest, even though her heart did belong with Finn, she once cared very deeply for Jesse. Yes, she realizes that she told Jesse that it was always about Finn, however, deep down, she knew that wasn't true.

_He just didn't need to know that._

Rachel knew his address in Akron because even though the majority of the time she spent with Jesse was at his uncle's in Lima, Jesse did mention where his parents house was located. She didn't know if that was where he was staying, but she was taking a chance that it was. He was nineteen, and jobless, so she assumed that was where he was.

Making her to Akron, she thought about what she was going to say to him, what possible legitimate reason she had to show up on his doorstep. She kept thinking he might slam the door in her face, if he'd laugh at her, or yell, or something just as dramatic.

She wasn't known as a drama queen for nothing.

She felt herself breathe out a sigh of relief seeing no gate that lead up the driveway. She had seen it in movies that the rich always had a gate that blocked out intruders from entering, so letting her imagination run away with her; she pictured Jesse having one as well, so she was grateful that he didn't. She didn't know how she was going to get past it if he did.

Pulling up to his house, Rachel could feel her breathing become shallow. This was not a house.

This was a _mansion_.

She knew that Jesse was rich, at least his parents were, but she had never fully comprehended it till now, looking upon it with her own eyes.

The mansion was made out of gray brick, the roof a grayish blue that complimented the house nicely. Some parts of the house, the roof had a triangle tip whereas some were flattened on top. The windows had white shutters surrounding it, a nice accent and compliment to the rest of the house. Taking a closer look, she could see there were other, smaller looking buildings that extended throughout the property and guessed those must be guesthouses for when people stayed over. The house, she thought, could fit her home at least three times over.

Pulling up, she saw that Jesse's car was parked in the driveway. She saw other cars as well parked next to his, and she hoped that no one else was home. She didn't think this plan through, she knew, she didn't count on other people being here when she confronted him on what she saw, but she went with her impulse and just hoped that it didn't backfire on her.

Stepping out of her car, she made her way up the stone walkway, the doors black with tinted windows. She was about to ring the doorbell when she saw that the right side of the double door was slightly ajar. Biting her lower lip, she hesitantly pushed the door open, the hinges creaking at the force, thinking this way he had no chance to slam the door in her face if she didn't announce her presence, and made her way inside.

"Jesse." She called out as quietly, stopping in what she thought was the foyer.

Looking around her, the sheer size of the house was breathtaking. Looking up, the centerpiece was a magnificent chandelier that shined a rainbow of colors as the sun kissed the diamond looking glass. She noted that there was a grand, black and white staircase that led up to the second floor and realized that is how he must stay so fit, just walking up and down those stairs everyday is worth the amount of time she spends on her elliptical, but the art is what truly caught her attention. Her eyes took in everything from Van Gogh to Picasso, to Monet. Gazing upon a particular Monet painting, the water lilies capturing her attention, she suddenly heard a loud crash from somewhere in the house, the sound loud as it bounced off the walls, making her whip her head to the left. With bated breath she slowly followed the sound.

"Jesse." She called again, her voice rising as it echoed, her eyes searching for any sign of him. Looking to her right, she could tell there was another long hallway and made her down it. All the lights were off except for one room that had a dim, golden light, illuminating from underneath.

Thinking that was the best place to start looking, she hesitantly again, opened the door and gasped at the sight before her.

Her eyes settling on the ground first, she brought her hand up to her mouth seeing broken glass everywhere. Accompanying that were books that were teared to shreds as well as cds and papers that were littered across his floor.

Looking up, she could see posters that were hanging on by masking tape and some parts that weren't so lucky that lay shredded on the floor. If she had to guess, this was Jesse's room. The posters, from what she could make out, were Broadway plays, everywhere from Wicked to West Side Story.

Her eyes then settled on a king-sized bed that was tucked in the corner of the room with a window that was half way opened next to it.

Finally, her eyes settled on the one thing that has kept her awake the past night.

There, in all his glory, was Jesse St. James, his right cheek lying against the golden colored pillow that gave him a soft glow, his arm settled against the bed towards the floor, a bottle of vodka that laid directly under his hand on the floor.

Now that she thought about it, most of the glass on the floor was bottles of alcohol that she assumed he had consumed himself.

Rachel shook her head as if trying to clear it, not understanding what she was seeing in front of her.

Since when did Jesse drink?

She thought about leaving, not feeling as confident as she had when she first decided to confront him, but she knew her curiosity wasn't going to go away, and this, seeing this sight in front of her, it just added to her curiosity instead of quenching it.

Lifting her head up in determination, she carefully made her way across the room, avoiding the glass as much as possible and felt her heart stop as she took a good long look at him.

He looked a little pale, a sharp contrast to the liveliness of color that was usually on his cheeks. His eyes were closed, but she could see that sleep had eluded him like it did her by the tint of blue and purple that lay under his eyes.

Bringing her right hand down slowly, she reached for his curls that fell against his forehead. She felt her fingers tingle and retract, pausing, but finally allowed herself to touch him as she brushed his loose curls away from his face.

Gazing upon him with a tilt of her head, she felt her stomach tighten and her breathing become shallow at the feel of his soft skin underneath her fingertips and was slightly startled by her reaction to his nearness that she was not willing to address anytime soon.

Before she could do anything else, she gasped as she felt Jesse's arm come up as he grabbed her around her wrist. She tried to retract, but his grip remained firm.

Through half-lidded eyes, Jesse looked up and took her in and she felt like she was burning up from the inside.

"Rachel?" Jesse's voice was hoarse and quiet as he spoke, his grip loosening. "How did you… when did you…?"

"I… I um…" She mumbled as she watched him sit up, blushing slightly at his bare chest. "Your door was opened."

Crinkling his forehead, he took a moment to let her words sink in. "I still don't understand," He asked slowly. "What are you doing here?"

"I," she began slowly, "I wanted to talk to you." She paused. She watched as he grabbed for his head, most likely feeling heavy from the hangover he undoubtedly had. "However, clearly seeing that you are currently indisposed at the moment, I feel a later date in time will be more suitable for this conversation." With that, she turned to leave.

"Wait a minute." He quickly called out running after her, his hand slamming the door shut before she is able to leave. "You can't just show up here out of the blue and not even give me an explanation."

Swallowing hard, she looked at him. "Jesse, I would feel more comfortable saying what I came here to say at a later date."

"No, you came here for a reason. You came into my home without permission and then proceeded to watch me sleep."

"I wasn't watching you sleep…" She mumbled under her breath as she lowered her eyes, tucking hair nervously behind her ear.

Jesse breathed out, exasperated. "What are you doing here, Rachel? I would have thought your worn out monologue that Finn was your one and only would have ended any further conversation with you." He said matter-of-factly.

"Jesse," She began slowly."I know that I misled you where my true feelings lie and for that I am sorry, truly I am, and believe me when I say that I wish that I handled things differently."

Jesse sighed, taking a step back as he rubbed his hands against his face. "Rachel, while this impromptu visit has been stimulating, it is sufficed to say that a text message would have done well to what you needed to speak to me about. Although, I can't think of anything else that is left to be said."

"Jesse…"

"Do you love him as much as you loved me?" He asked out of blue, her head spinning slightly at his randomness, his voice laced with conviction, his eyes fixed on hers, making her feel like he was looking straight down into her soul.

"What?" She asked, furrowing her eyebrows, her head shaking slightly.

He took another step forward causing her arms to fall down to her sides. He was so close to her that you couldn't put another hand between them.

"You heard me," he whispered. "Do you love him as much as you loved me?"

He was testing her.

She could tell.

She felt, more then saw, his arm raise, his right hand cupping her left cheek as he looked at her. "More so," She informed him, her stance straightening, not letting him gain the upper hand. "Now, as I have previously stated, the reason for me coming here can be dealt with at a later date," She paused. "In fact, I think it is best if we just part here. Sorry for disturbing you. Goodbye, Jesse." She turned to leave.

"Don't run away from me." He grabbed her arms, turning her to face him, her body panting. "Now, I asked you a question. Do you love Finn as much you loved me?"

She looked at him. "Jesse please," She whispered. "Please don't do this."

"Why can't you just answer a simple question?"

"This was a mistake," she muttered. "I should never have come here."

"Then why did you?" He demanded, looking into her eyes.

She hesitated…

She knew why she came here. However, she felt as if scolding him or making him talk about his life would only anger him further. She shouldn't even be here in the first place. Everything that needed to be said was said. She just couldn't let things go.

"I asked you a question, Rachel."

"Jesse…" Rachel tried pulling herself from him, but he just held on tighter.

He was close.

He was too close.

Too many emotions were going through her. This was too much for her. She loved Finn. She knew she did. And by her curiosity getting the better of her, it had led her to this moment, with Jesse right in front of her, holding on as tight as he could, making her admit something she didn't want to admit.

This was a mistake.

Jesse raised his hand and brought it up to her cheek making her gasp at contact, swallowing a lump that formed in her throat. Why was this affecting her so much? She felt him bring his left hand to her the narrow of her waist, holding her still.

Her head was telling her to run, but realized as the scent of his cologne and the scent that solely belonged to Jesse wafted into her nostrils, that her heart was telling her to stay. She stayed still, her body so close to his that she was afraid that any movement that she made would cause the friction that she was so desperately trying to escape. She didn't want to do anything that would encourage him.

But she _did_.

She wanted so badly to move her hips forward a few inches, to lift her head just a little bit higher so their lips would align, to bring her arms up and encompass him around her body.

This was wrong.

This was so _wrong_.

She had once lost Finn when she kissed Noah. She had hurt him so deeply and she didn't want to do that again. And at this present time, she couldn't understand why she thought of the time where she almost gave into Noah when she was with Jesse. Noah was there, right there, kissing him would have boosted her popularity at school, popularity that she so desperately craved, but she couldn't.

She couldn't understand how she allowed herself to kiss Noah when with Finn, and not when she was with Jesse. She couldn't understand why her body craved Jesse's touch so much, when once again she was with Finn, the boy that she was dying inside for when she wasn't with him.

Suddenly, she felt Jesse grab her arm and brought it up between them, his fingers slowly climbing up her arm. Glancing at him in confusion, she could see the intense concentration that he had as he touched her. He brought his hand back down again painfully slow and started drawing lazy circles in the palm of her hand, holding her gently as she felt herself swallow hard at the contact.

It felt as if there are sparks of electricity between her skin and his fingertips. He lowered himself closer towards her, her lips mirroring the electricity that she felt flowing between them.

"Jesse," She whispered, her hot breath surrounding them.

"Just…" he huskily began, "Just let me."

She gasped when the friction she wanted to avoid was suddenly made as he gently flushed his body up against hers. His head leaned slightly forward and concentrating solely on his lips with a little crinkle in her forehead, she felt her body melt and tighten all at once as his mouth finally descended upon hers.

They both let out a sigh of relief at contact, their breathing becoming heavier as they greedily took from one another, both of them craving the taste of the other. His lips were soft, yet forceful, plundering her own quickly, his hand moving to tangle into her soft deep brown locks.

Her mind flashed back to the auditorium on stage where he had just so recently kissed her and she felt what she was feeling now. Her stomach tightening, her skin tingling, the air around her so shallow and dense she almost felt like passing out.

She raggedly breathed into his mouth, feeling his tongue playing against her teeth until she fully relaxed into him. She fell limply into his arms, opening her mouth, letting him inside, torturing with a blazing heat she knew she shouldn't want but couldn't seem to resist.

Fireworks…

Earth Shattering…

Volcanic Explosion…

The applause and cheers of a Broadway audience...

Those images came to mind at the taste of him and moaned loudly as he grinded harder against her, gasping as she felt the hard bulge of his obvious erection. The kiss was tender, but had urgency behind it; as if they needed to taste each other or they would die.

"God, I want you fucking so much," he whispered against her lips as he pushed his hands under her top, the heat of his hand making her gasp for breath, her head feeling light as he caressed her stomach, his fingers dancing dangerously underneath and around the outside of her bra. "From the first time I ever saw you, the first time I have ever heard you sing, I wanted to be inside of you." He said as he plundered his tongue once again inside her hot mouth, their tongues dancing with one another, the taste of each other fastly becoming like a drug.

She felt a pulsing at her center that she couldn't describe. She wasn't well-versed in sex, but she wasn't completely oblivious to the feeling, her curiosity having her experiment on herself. Though, the feelings that Jesse was invoking inside of her was a hundred times stronger than anything she has been able to make herself feel in the past. She grabbed for his curls, her nails scratching against his scalp that made him a moan deeply in his throat, the sound shooting down to her core as she pressed her body closer to his. She gasped as he grabbed for her hips, his fingers gripping possesively around her, and grinded, making her throw her head back at the feeling of ecstasy washing over her, his hard cock perfectly align with her pussy and she felt her body shudder realizing if there were no barriers between them, how easily he would be able to slip inside.

The outside world didn't exist as they created a bubble around them, so Rachel crinkled her forehead in confusion when in the furthest part of her mind, she could hear a faint ringing until it felt like it was blaring in her ears as it dawned on her. Her phone was ringing. Without glancing at the name, she knew from the ringtone exactly who was calling.

_Finn._

"Oh my god." She gasped as she pulled away.

She could feel Jesse struggle, not wanting to let her go. "Jesse please…" She sternly pleaded his name as she struggled to escape.

Finally, she felt him loosen his grip and her body shook as she moved to her side. She looked desperately at him, her face grief stricken at what she just allowed to happen. "I can't do this. I'm so sorry, Jesse. I should have never have come here. This was a mistake."

Grabbing her bag, she took deep breaths as she tried to calm her body, giving him one more apologetic glance before turning away, not allowing him to get a word in as she literally threw herself out of his house, running to her car and drove away, away from the boy that her body craved, and towards the boy that her heart loved.

Or at least, that is what she kept telling herself, unwillingly letting herself believe that her heart, without her permission, loved Jesse too.

* * *

><p><strong>Authors Note:<strong> First of all, I want to say THANK YOU to everyone who reviewed chapter one of this story. You guys convinced me to continue on, so I hope I don't disappoint. I feel like I am going down a road with this story that some people may not like, but, since we know little about Jesse, I am taking the backstory we have gotten on the show and adding on it as well as taking his character and expanding on him in a way that I dont think would be to out of character so, I hope you guys like what I have done so far!

Again, this story is rated M, so please dont be surprised with my descriptions of them together. If sexual situations make you uncomfortable, this is not a story for you. I tend to be detailed and blunt and I dont talk around any sexual content, so please, while reading, keep that in mind. I plan on getting more detailed as this story progresses.

Also, I have a question. Would you guys like to see this story only in Rachel's point of view? Or would you like to read Jesse's as well. I was thinking about just keeping it in Rachel's since this is her journey of accepting herself as well as accepting Jesse, but I was thinking of getting Jesse's point of view in there as well. Maybe I can alternate or just have him once and awhile. I don't know. What do you guy's think?

Once again, I DO NOT have a beta for this story so my grammar is most likely off as well as some of my wording. When writing longer chapter, its easy to miss errors when I reread them over and over again. If anyone would like to volunteer to read over my chapters before I post them, then I would greatly appreciate it. If you have an interest, just pm me and let me know =).

One more thing, my internet may be down for a short while. If that happens, I plan on writing during that time so chapter 3 may take a little bit of time, not to much I hope, but I promise, I have ever intention of writing even if my internet is down so when its back up again, I can just post and hopefully you guy's don't have to wait long!

Again, reviews are better then Jonathan Groff sernadating you buck naked ;)


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